Spin to Activate!

park with pond and willow treesHere I sit (and spin), half-way between the Summer Solstice and the July 2nd New Moon (which in South America offers up a solar eclipse!)  I’m loving this energy for the activation of something new.  I am using this activation energy to launch my Spin to Activate 6 Day Online Retreat!

When I closed my studio/gallery over two years ago I was troubled by the state of our 2016 election, the challenges of maintaining a profitable business (utilizing many of the systemic masculine standards of success while yearning for a more femin-istic approach) and a desire to find more time and focus on the creation of my art. On top of all of that I still had a strong desire to offer something with deeper meaning and lead others to access their own creativity as a path toward solutions to the issues I was challenged by out in my community and the world at large. So, I began where every good heroine’s journey begins, in my heart. I got a spinning wheel and started spinning. It became the perfect process for a moving meditation, a daily quiet contemplative practice as I’ve previously posted as I did HERE. A ritual for both sitting in stillness, yet the beginnings of activating something that had been stirring within….

Working with the Dream Midwife, Rebecka Eggers I’ve been created an online journey which is designed to guide others on this path of utilizing the ancient art of yarn spinning as a contemplative moving meditative practice. This journey is called Spinning Straw Into Gold. And I invite you to read with me the introduction Piercing the Ragged Stillness .

Maybe you are feeling the same dilemmas I have been? Maybe this introduction to my story stirred something within you? Whether you are new to the idea of yarn spinning or a seasoned spinner I would love to have you join me for the rest of the story. And that leads me to this gift for you…

For the next few days I am offering a unique opportunity. Yes, I am looking for a few interested people who would like to join the free Pilot for my Spin to Activate 6 Day Online Retreat. I will be starting this retreat next Monday, July 1st, so don’t delay. Don’t worry if you aren’t available next week for the retreat. The content will all be delivered to your inbox, waiting there as a free gift for you to access at your convenience. And don’t worry if you don’t have a spinning wheel either! You can travel on this journey with a simple drop spindle and a small bundle of fiber (Go to my online shop for my Spin to Activate Drop Spindle Kit) Now all you have to do to get started is go HERE to find out more and to register.  Oh, and did I mention IT’S FREE!

 

Full Moon Eclipse Energy

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Fiona & Peepers 

As I write this I am feeling complete peace and serenity.  Wow, I know, (how?) in the face of the fear, unrest and chaos that is projected from every news source, every social media platform and every innocent conversation with friends.  But, I am in my sacred space, my studio with the setting sun shining in my window, warming me on this cold winter day.  My new puppy is sleeping at my feet and my 15-year-old cat just wandered through to check on us.  These two remind me that I have everything I need.

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My Fiona – 4 months old

I took Fiona in as a “foster pup” right after Thanksgiving. The local Animal Care League has dogs that aren’t ready for adoption (she needed to be spayed) and yet would do better someplace outside the shelter for a short period of time. I thought this would be a good opportunity for me to see if I wanted to do the whole “puppy thing” again. Was I really ready for a dog again, (We lost our LUCKY last August) or would adopting an older dog be a better option this time around? Well, it was love at first sight. And so, I adopted this sweet girl. Fiona wakes up each morning filled with excitement, knowing she will be fed well and cared for and wondering “where will we go walking today”.  My cat sleeps on my feet each night, feeling my warmth and love, knowing she is protected.  And so despite the uncertainties the “static” of our world tries to rope my attention with, I know I am loved and cared for by an entity beyond my earthly understanding.  That Divine Entity lives within me and my pets reflect it back to me.  I can feel it.

Tonight is the full moon with the first lunar eclipse of the year.  This will usher in energies that we can tap into to clear away “what no longer serves” us, individually and collectively. I really resonate with what Sandra Walter outlines about this eclipse season and what it holds for us collectively:

“As you break your addictions to drama, concern, or worry about the external, and shift to heart-based action, empowerment and divinity, you resonate with the higher trajectories of the Christed timelines which deliver peace and opportunities for global divine alignment.”

I hope that you too can feel the “love wave” that is here this evening. I can only describe it as a wave of Divine Grace.  Despite everything, We are Loved and Cared for and Safe.

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The view out my studio window this evening….It’s Divine.

A New Beginning

It’s finally here. I can feel it. It is palpable. I felt it in such an amazing wave on Saturday at the Women’s March in Chicago where I walked with friends and strangers. Over 250,000. The peace and love and optimism in the crowd was medicine. And that medicine spread out to even those who could not attend. I had lunch with a friend after the march and the waitress thanked us for being there for HER!  And that is why I marched. For all of my SISTERS. And their children. And for RESPECT (which goes both ways and is earned, not demanded) And their access to affordable health care. And their right to choose the best options for their own bodies. And for protections to our natural resources. And for funding and support for our Humanities and Arts. And for the right to worship. And the right not to. And for the right to free speech. And especially for the right to gather in peaceful demonstrations, to express the beliefs and issues we find important as individuals and as a collective.

photogrid_1484963966407The positive energy for the Women’s March came in early December when a friend of mine who lives out east sent me a message that she wanted to know if I would make a pussyhat for her and her daughter, as they would be going to the March in D.C. Of course! I also made one for myself as I knew I would be Marching in Chicago and one for my daughter who would be in Minnesota.  And then I just kept going. I put a message out on Facebook which led to many more requests for the pussyhat. I loved the grassroots enthusiasm of that project. Women using traditional women’s skills and craft to make a statement. A statement of unity, feminism, and “can do” spirit. It is exactly the call out that I expressed in my RESISTANCE post that I will continue to use my talents and actions as my voice to support what I believe in and act against what I oppose. I also spent an afternoon knitting with a friend of mine and wished I’d had the time to participate in more of the pussyhat knitting meet-ups that were occurring around the Chicago area. I ended up using up all of the pink yarn I could purchase or scrounge from my own stash and made 20 hats in total. One friend asked if I was making them all “by Hand”. Yes, that is how I get things done…ONE STITCH AT A TIME (SAVES!) Each one was given away with a tag that stated: “In appreciation of this gift please consider a donation to the ACLU or Planned Parenthood. Several of the hats traveled to our nations capital (I saw a photo on Facebook of my friend’s husband wearing her hat on the bus ride Friday and it made my day!) Many stayed in Chicago and I saw some at the March and almost all of them in social media posts. Some even stayed “home”, but helped those wearing them feel they were a part of the historic event.  My favorite was seeing the text from my daughter in Minnesota with her pussyhat on and the message, “hat made it to the MN rally”. I had wished we could have been marching together, sharing this historic event. And then when she sent that text message I realized we were. UNITED.

So now we march forward. When I wrote this post RESISTANCE right after the election I felt at that time like this was the best or only answer to holding our elected officials accountable and to protecting the rights of ALL citizens. But after a couple of months reflection I have come personally to the conclusion that Carl Jung was right when he stated “what you resist persists”. And when I wrote my post on resistance I discussed the options that were put forth in the Dutch Resistance Museum, Resist? Adapt? Collaborate? or Persecute?  In their displays the option of collaboration meant collaborating with those you disagree with for the sake of “moving forward”, to keep the peace and make progress even if not in the direction you would like to see it go. But today I offer another option. The option I am choosing to move forward with. One of Collaboration with those who do hold your vision for the future. With those who do cherish the hard-fought battles for Civil Liberties we have established as a nation. With those who do believe in the scientific studies that have proven that what has been done by corporations and big business in the name of economic development and prosperity for a few, is actually harmful to our resources and to our WHOLE.

And I see that action coming together in my small circles and my larger community. And for the skeptics who say the Women’s March was a one day effort and we will all go back to our kitchens and computer screens and televisions (and our knitting!) and our privileged lives, I say “what YOU resist, PERSISTS!”  ***We will persist*** You obviously were not one of the Millions who attended the March on Saturday January 21, 2017. Because you would know the joy and enthusiasm and HOPE that is medicine. It is the drug of CHOICE, for me. And I am NOT ALONE, as you can see the Women’s March website has already transformed to 10 actions for the first 100 days. The first action: “Write a postcard to your Senators about what matters most to you – and how you’re going to continue to fight for it in the days, weeks and months ahead”. Get ready, I make beautiful postcards. Really great postcards. The best postcards ever. And I am ready to use them.

1.26.2017 UPDATE: And now this from my favorite local coffee shop BUZZ CAFE. The collaborations begin!

Resistance

Exactly two years ago I was traveling Europe through Paris, Belgium and Amsterdam.  On November 16, 2014 I went through the VerzetsMuseum (Dutch Resistance Museum). It was an enlightening experience. The permanent exhibit space is laid out in a chronological path through time from the 1930’s to 1950’s with a focus on the 1940-45 years during WWII and the Netherlands occupation by Nazi Germany. From the Museum Website: “The Resistance is not about heroes and villains, but ordinary people who found themselves in a time of scarcity and oppression (with) dilemmas and had to make choices.”

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Concerns of the 1930’s -Display from the VerzetsMuseum, Amsterdam.

The displays are made up of everyday artifacts from the daily lives of the Dutch people during that time. The exhibit lays out a story of difficult choices that had to be made in the face of fear of retaliation, hunger and scarcity, and societal pressure. I walked into the Museum believing I would be one who would resist Nazism at all costs. I walked through the exhibit with a realization and a new understanding of what that would truly cost an individual. I was also surprised to find that many of the same issues facing society in the 1930’s could describe the current climate we are still experiencing. Issues regarding the separation of church and state, issues of racism, issues of severe economic differences between the haves/have-nots. Issues of what it means to be patriotic. Issues of what certain choices can mean in the long story of history. How decisions to resist, adapt, ignore or collaborate all play out over time when faced with policies that oppress any segment of society; be that a certain race, religious faith, gender or even a free press.

 

One of the displays struck a particular chord with me, as a textile artist.  It showed the simple everyday embroideries of Jacoba Maria Blom-Schuh of the Hague. She refused to give money to the Winter Help fund until the queen returned to the Netherlands. Because of her refusal she was imprisoned for three months. During her time in prison the SS guards gave her their socks to mend. She played ignorant and sewed them shut! In reality this was her form of further resistance to the Nazi cause. She later embroidered imagery from her time in prison onto these textile pieces (I call them artwork!) that are on display in the museum.

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The Story of Maria Schuh- Display at the VerzetsMuseum, Amsterdam

I found that reminiscing about my experience at the VerzetsMuseum (Dutch Resistance Museum) to be very cathartic today, one week following our 2016 Presidential Election. This past week the media has been filled with many differing opinions on how America will move forward following this contentious campaign season. Many questions are being brought to light. I return to my experience of walking through that museum, being offered choices and questions along the path (through time): Faced with different situations would you Resist? Adapt? Collaborate? or Persecute? You may think you know the answers, but when faced with pressure to Adapt by your family and friends and even the leadership of your country, it can be difficult to hold your ground for what you truly believe is Right. You may find that in the face of severe hunger your Will is broken. You may find that is seems more loving and unifying to Collaborate with others who hold a very different View of what they would like to see their world look like. You could find that to get what you want or Need, it is easy to turn a blind eye to the Persecution of others. Or worse, you could find you are the instigator of that abuse somehow justifying it as a means to the end you would like.

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Display of the Resistance Embroideries of Maria Schuh

This is a wake up call for me as I step into each day going forward, to be aware that my individual choices have an effect on my community and country as a Collective. I intend to take off my blinders to the plight and ideas of those who may not share my vision. To realize what I can do as I am faced with tough choices. To ask myself the tough questions:  Am I ignoring the oppression of a segment of our society, and making light of it? Am I looking to find answers that work for all of us, or just for myself?  Am I adapting to the new normal because it seems to be the peaceful thing to do, despite the concern that it could be causing others pain? These are the questions and many more that I (and All of US) will be faced with in the coming days and years. I know from walking through the Resistance Exhibit they are difficult questions to answer in the moments we are faced with them. These are difficult decisions to make. It is always easier to say in hind-site what should have been done. It is also easier to say in advance what you think you would do walking into a situation, than what you would actually do faced with the real consequences of your decisions.

One thing I know I will continue to do is use my Voice. My Voice comes in many different Forms. I will use my Words, speaking and writing freely as my U.S. Rights as a citizen allow.  I will use my Dollars, as very often speaking with the wallet is one of the most effective methods of communication. And I will primarily use my Talents and Actions (they speak louder than words!) to speak up when I see something harmful and/or hateful to others. I encourage you who would like to hold on to the good in the world and continue to make it better for All to also use your voices and your dollars and especially your talents to call out and continue to shine the light on situations that do not resonate with that vision. Make your daily actions and choices speak to the vision of the world you want to see. We are all an aspect of the Great Creator, what we envision is the first step to what we create here. We can not turn a blind eye to what we see as abusive, mean, selfish, divisive, or inhumane on an individual level or as a collective. We can not “be ignorant”, but just like Maria Schuh’s example we can all “pretend ignorance” (or use other methods) to resist wrong doing, and use A Stitch In Time (to) Save.

Please Note: I personally do not define resistance as a way to obstruct or protest any actions or ideas of the new administration just for the sake of hatred of “the other side”. It is a method of standing up for the protection and against the persecution of the Rights of All others (no “sides”).  I do not equate the election of Donald Trump as U.S. President to the rise of Hitler and the Third Reich. I am only making observations and pointing out a way of assessing personally how I choose to move forward as a citizen. History (and herstory) is only as helpful as what you learn from it.  Other than that, I tend not to look backward (unless I am reminiscing about a lovely European vacation), but aim to go forward doing my best to create a society that protects the Rights and Freedoms for ALL.

 

 

A Piece of American Pie

To say I am frustrated and perplexed by the current election cycle would be an understatement. Although I know I’m not alone in my feelings, due to the divisiveness I don’t want to get into politics here.  What I want to get into is how to not get caught up in this chaos and lose ourselves.  And yet, I struggle to find the way to do this myself.  I write this as I attempt to step away from my social media sites and stop reading the latest breaking news reports.  For my peace of mind I must.

So, today I balanced my day off time by doing things to care and nurture myself and my family.  I changed my sheets! (I love fresh sheets on the bed) I took an afternoon nap.  And I baked a pie.  It is my annual Green Tomato Apple Pie.  It is my version of “A Stitch in Time Saves” when it comes to food.  Yes, at the end of the growing season I always have a lot of tomatoes on the the vine that just didn’t have time to ripen.  As you know I hate to let anything go to waste, so I get them (before the squirrels do) and make this sweet/tart pie.  So yummy, warm with just a dab of vanilla ice cream melting on the top!  The recipe is from one of my favorite cookbooks, Hollyhocks & Radishes: Mrs. Chard’s Almanac Cookbook by Bonnie Stewart Mickelson.

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So if the 2016 election has your head spinning, your heart racing and your stomach churning too, please step back and find a way to soothe yourself and those you love.  Don’t buy into the propaganda.  Don’t get caught up in the latest hype or poll numbers.  Don’t let anybody try to scare you (the only thing to fear is the fear mongers).  I want to believe that we still have more things that unite us than issues that divide us.  I believe AMERICA IS already GREAT (we have pie!)  Now I think I’m almost ready for the Presidential Debate (I can hope they will act just a bit presidential, can’t I?)  starting in a few minutes.  And if it gets rough, at least I can soothe myself with another piece of pie!

Post Debate Edit:  This song came to mind as the second 2016 presidential debate came to an end. (Maybe Don McLean was a time traveler trying to warn us of this election?!)

“American Pie”
Don McLean

A long, long time ago
I can still remember how that music used to make me smile
And I knew if I had my chance
That I could make those people dance
And maybe they’d be happy for a while

But February made me shiver
With every paper I’d deliver
Bad news on the doorstep
I couldn’t take one more step
I can’t remember if I cried
When I read about his widowed bride
But something touched me deep inside
The day the music died

So bye, bye, Miss American Pie
Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry
And them good ole boys were drinking whiskey ‘n rye
Singin’ this’ll be the day that I die
This’ll be the day that I die

Did you write the book of love
And do you have faith in God above
If the Bible tells you so?
Now do you believe in rock and roll?
Can music save your mortal soul?
And can you teach me how to dance real slow?

Well, I know that you’re in love with him
‘Cause I saw you dancin’ in the gym
You both kicked off your shoes
Man, I dig those rhythm and blues

I was a lonely teenage broncin’ buck
With a pink carnation and a pickup truck
But I knew I was out of luck
The day the music died

I started singing bye, bye, Miss American Pie
Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry
Them good ole boys were drinking whiskey ‘n rye
Singin’ this’ll be the day that I die
This’ll be the day that I die

Now for ten years we’ve been on our own
And moss grows fat on a rollin’ stone
But that’s not how it used to be
When the jester sang for the king and queen
In a coat he borrowed from James Dean
And a voice that came from you and me

Oh, and while the king was looking down
The jester stole his thorny crown
The courtroom was adjourned
No verdict was returned

And while Lenin read a book on Marx
The quartet practiced in the park
And we sang dirges in the dark
The day the music died

We were singing bye, bye, Miss American Pie
Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry
Them good ole boys were drinking whiskey ‘n rye
Singin’ this’ll be the day that I die
This’ll be the day that I die

Helter skelter in a summer swelter
The birds flew off with a fallout shelter
Eight miles high and falling fast
It landed foul on the grass
The players tried for a forward pass
With the jester on the sidelines in a cast

Now the halftime air was sweet perfume
While the sergeants played a marching tune
We all got up to dance
Oh, but we never got the chance

‘Cause the players tried to take the field
The marching band refused to yield
Do you recall what was revealed
The day the music died?

We started singing bye, bye, Miss American Pie
Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry
Them good ole boys were drinking whiskey ‘n rye
And singin’ this’ll be the day that I die
This’ll be the day that I die

Oh, and there we were all in one place
A generation lost in space
With no time left to start again
So come on, Jack be nimble, Jack be quick
Jack Flash sat on a candlestick
‘Cause fire is the devil’s only friend

Oh, and as I watched him on the stage
My hands were clenched in fists of rage
No angel born in Hell
Could break that Satan’s spell

And as the flames climbed high into the night
To light the sacrificial rite
I saw Satan laughing with delight
The day the music died

He was singing bye, bye, Miss American Pie
Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry
Them good ole boys were drinking whiskey ‘n rye
And singin’ this’ll be the day that I die
This’ll be the day that I die

I met a girl who sang the blues
And I asked her for some happy news
But she just smiled and turned away
I went down to the sacred store
Where I’d heard the music years before
But the man there said the music wouldn’t play

And in the streets, the children screamed
The lovers cried and the poets dreamed
But not a word was spoken
The church bells all were broken

And the three men I admire most
The Father, Son and the Holy Ghost
They caught the last train for the coast
The day the music died

And they were singing bye, bye, Miss American Pie
Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry
And them good ole boys were drinking whiskey ‘n rye
Singin’ this’ll be the day that I die
This’ll be the day that I die

They were singing bye, bye, Miss American Pie
Drove my Chevy to the levee but the levee was dry
Them good ole boys were drinking whiskey ‘n rye
And singin’ this’ll be the day that I die.

We Are All The Chosen One

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The Moon outside my window~

It didn’t take long for the message to come tonight.  I stepped my toes into the “Hot Tub Time Machine” with my heart filled with love and gratitude for all my family, friends, guides, supporters, students and well any-one who has helped me get to this point in my life.  I feel like I have been running a marathon the last several weeks and I’ve made it to not so much of a finish line, but to a transition line.  Deep exhale~

But, I digress, back to the message:  Well, I said my prayers of thanks to the heavens as my body sunk into the warm waters.  Tonight is the Harvest Full Moon and as suggested by this forecast, I decided I should follow the advise of #6 and channel my “inner mermaid”.  I felt so filled with thanks that I had this thought that “I am the chosen One”.  There can be no other explanation as to why everything has fallen into place so synchronistically the last few weeks.  I’ve experienced things like the rain stopping or holding off until just the second I get the tent up for camping, or the car unloaded.  Time even seemed to stop in order for my daughter and me to get the U-Haul unloaded and back by closing time for her move into a new apartment a couple of weeks ago.  There has been so much to do.  And yet, it has all gotten done.  And with relative ease.  I must be “special” if the clouds are parting and time is stopping for me.  Right?

Ha ha, my Guides laugh.  Yes, and no.  The truth is “you are all the chosen One”.  Some just realize it sooner than others.  Others use their “free will” to delay the awareness of it.  Well, I don’t think I am at the arrowhead on this realization.  But, I am not on the tail end either.  I hope you hear this message too and join me in gratitude for being “chosen”.  There are greater things in store for all of us.  Tonight’s Pisces Full Moon and Lunar Eclipse Hold The Key To Letting Go & Moving On.  Join me in letting go, filled with gratitude for what has brought us to this Now.  Join me in Celebration.  Join me in Moving ON~~~It is Time we all realize that WE are ALL the Chosen ONE!

One additional note:  This full moon completes a cycle that started on March 8, 2016  with a solar eclipse.  This is where I was then:  Clearing my Mesa and Activating Something New.  Yes, the NEW is finally HERE!

 

A Void Dance or Avoidance?

Here it is the end of summer.  Labor Day here in the United States.  As I reflect back over the last 3 months I can say I spent a lot of time in both avoidance and a Void Dance.  I believe it is ok to spend time in either, the important thing is to know which place you are in.

Avoidance:  The act of avoiding something.

A Void Dance:  Time spent in the quiet space between the “stuff” of life.

I have recently decided to relocate my business and my art studio after many years in the same location.  It means sorting, clearing, organizing and packing the “stuff” of my life.  I have spent much of the time between other work obligations this summer doing just that.  Sorting.  Cleaning.  Organizing.  Packing.   At times I’ve been doing it to avoid doing other things I’d rather not be doing and sometimes I am doing other things just to avoid doing the difficult work of deciding what to “do” with the stuff.   But either way, it’s been a therapeutic process.

As an artist you learn to appreciate the voids or negative space.  It’s not always the matter that matters.  (a good thing to remind myself of, as I purge and de-clutter)

20160903_202301The voids are where the fertile earth feeds the roots.  The voids are where the flames lick and spit between the burning logs.  The voids are where the oxygen is.  The voids are what make the beauty of the antique lace.  The voids are what lets the soft breeze come through the screen door.  The voids are the blue sky between the clouds.  The voids are where the damp sand squeezes up between your toes on the beach.  The voids are where you run your fingers through soft hair.  The voids are where the sun peaks through the branches of the tree canopy.  And the voids are where and when we dance.  

I hope as you enjoy your last days of this summer you find time to Dance in the Void.  It is this space and time between the stuff of life that is important.  It is different than avoidance.   It is this fertile space that feeds our creativity and our souls.  It feeds what matters.

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“A Void Dance” artwork by Pamela Penney (c) 2015

 

 

 

Unsteady

Ooh, Summer.  With all your distractions.  Some Good.  Some Challenging.  Where have I been?  In avoidance?  Or, in A Void Dance?  Probably a little of both. (more on that later).

But today I am in the midst of one of life’s little challenges.  Dealing with the illness of an aging pet. Our Dog showed up in early 2002 as a young pup.  She was found by a neighborhood friend just running along the side of a Chicago city street.  No collar, skinny, sun-faded fur.  She was about 2 months old.  That put her birthdate at about 1-1-2002.  She was adorable, but what would she turn into?  We had no idea of her breed or origins.  Could she be a menacing, agitated fighting dog in a few months?  She sure seemed sweet.

You see, the summer and autumn of 2001 were particularly challenging for our family.  We lost our first dog, Molly to illness at 11 years that July.  I learned much from my relationship with Molly.  She was supposed to be our “practice child” to see if my husband and I were ready for parenthood.  But, I mostly learned from her that you can struggle with the personalily of someone in your life and still really love and miss them when they are gone.  This was an important lesson for me at that time.  She was a “high-strung” border collie/belgian sheepdog mix who liked to bark (a lot) and as we got her a few years before having our children, she always seemed a bit jealous when they came along.  Not really the “family pet”.   Then a few weeks after we said a sad good-bye to our Molly my husband’s grandmother passed away.   And in August the death of my father-in-law was a huge blow to our family.  Followed of course, by the event of September 11th of that year that rocked the reality of the entire nation.  Yes 2001 was a tough year for many (most) of us.

So then that following spring, some brightness and joy bounced into our life.  Was I ready for another puppy?  My kids ages 7 & 9 at the time were ready.  They named her Lucky after a story they had read about a stray dog, but we were truly the lucky ones.  She has been the ideal dog (well if you don’t mind a lot of shedding fur).  She is calm, patient, great with the kids and topped out at 40 pounds, just like we like!   She has been lucky several times over the years too.  Once, when she was young she bounded out of our back gate as my son left it open just a moment too long.  She ran into the street and bounced off the bumper of a passing car.  She was stunned, but nothing more.  And she never did that again!  And 2 1/2 years ago at the end of 2013 we noticed a change in her behavior.  She quit jumping up on the bed, and seemed a bit off.  This again came at a very difficult time for us, just 2 weeks after we lost my mother-in-law to cancer.  A trip to the vet and an x-ray revealed a tumor on her spleen.  We were willing to do whatever we could for our Lucky.  We had the tumor removed, all 5+ pounds of it! (a stitch in time saved!!!)  And she recovered to be as active as she had always been.

I realized today that at 14 1/2 years, sleeping next to my side of the bed, and under my feet everyday, I have spent more of my “life minutes” with her, than with any other being. Probably more than with my husband of almost 29 years.  And now the last couple of weeks she has been struggling to walk up and down our stairs.  She is just not “herself”.  We went to the Vet a few days ago and they gave her an anti-infammatory that seemed to improve her movement, but she has been “up and down” every day this week.  I can’t tell which direction this is going.  And at her age, I’m not sure what to do.  So,  I’ve been bringing her into my work studio the last couple of days with me.  I want to spend as much time as possible with this sweet baby, and I want to watch how she is feeling.  This morning she was in the backseat, trying to lay down for the ride.  As I turned on the radio this song came on the radio.  I believe she was singing it to me.

X Ambassadors:  Unsteady

Hold, hold on, hold onto me
‘Cause I’m a little unsteady
A little unsteady
Hold, hold on, hold onto me
‘Cause I’m a little unsteady
A little unsteady

Mama, come here
Approach, appear
Daddy, I’m alone
‘Cause this house don’t feel like home

If you love me, don’t let go
Whoa, if you love me, don’t let go

Hold, hold on, hold onto me
‘Cause I’m a little unsteady
A little unsteady
Hold, hold on, hold onto me
‘Cause I’m a little unsteady
A little unsteady

Mother, I know
That you’re tired of being alone
Dad, I know you’re trying
To fight when you feel like flying

But if you love me, don’t let go
Whoa, if you love me, don’t let go

Hold, hold on, hold onto me
‘Cause I’m a little unsteady
A little unsteady
Hold, hold on, hold onto me
‘Cause I’m a little unsteady
A little unsteady

Hold, hold on, hold onto me
‘Cause I’m a little unsteady
A little unsteady…..

So for now, I will hold on to you Lucky.  

We are both a little unsteady.

And I’m not ready to Let Go.

My Lucky Dog
My Lucky Dog

Update:  Lucky closed her eyes for her eternal rest on August 20, 2016.  See Lucky.

 

Fungal Bouquets

20160628_113414I just returned from several days of camping in the hills of Pennsylvania, outside of Pittsburg.  Each year from the time my children were 2 and 4 years old until they got through high school I met up with 3 other women friends and our 10 children to go “Chick Camping”.  We travel to places within 2 hours of home for the first few years and then as one friend moved out East we traveled a further distance each year to meet up more centrally to all of us.  So, much fun.  So many memories.  But as my children are now 21 and 23 (and as are the others, moving on into adulthood), we had not camped together in a few years.  Until this past weekend.  This time just the four “moms” went.

On day one of our adventure we set out on a 7-mile hike through the woods in the heat and humidity. As my friend Kate stopped to take yet another picture of unusual fungi she remarked something to the effect of “how interesting that there are so many (beautiful) ways for things to decay.”20160626_122243

I am turning the page to a new chapter of my life. I am bringing some long standing parts of my life to a close over the next couple of months (if plans continue on the path I envision).  I know it is time.  Yet, it can be hard sometimes not to look back and yearn for what once was.  Camping with kids (like life in general) had both it’s joys and it’s challenges.

This is currently a time of great change for many on this planet (and for the planet herself).  I think it can be helpful to see the Fungal Bouquets as a symbol and a reminder that what “used to be”, can be “food” for something new and beautiful.  Decay?  I prefer to think of it as New Growth.

20160626_094646~2

Please Don’t Listen To Me

(This was written a few days after the Orlando nightclub shootings and not posted until now.  I was still feeling a bit like my words just weren’t adequate for the situation at the time.  Not sure if they are now, but do feel called to share this)

Don’t Listen. To me.  Especially this week when there are so many other voices making noise.  Making noise about guns, noise about hatred, noise about religious beliefs, noise about sexuality, noise about safety, noise about protection, noise about government leaders, noise about laws, noise about politicians, noise, noise, noise….

Why?  Because, my words, no matter how they are written or spoken are going to divide us.  You will either agree or disagree and I probably won’t change that.  Or you may not even understand me at all.  My words are written in my first and pretty much only language (American English) that only a segment of the people of the world can read and comprehend.  And even if English is your first language, you may still mis-understand the intent I hope to convey.  So, I won’t.  Try.  To Convey Thoughts or Ideas. Now.  When we need most to be reminded of our Oneness.  And words just won’t can’t do that.

A few years ago I was a visiting teaching artist for several weeks to one of Chicago area’s “alternative schools”.  When I took the “gig” I really didn’t know what that meant exactly: “alternative”.  Well this was a school for middle school aged children (young adults) who had been “kicked out” of regular public school for “mis-behaviour”.   I was told going into the position that I could not use “gang affiliated colors”.  What were those?  Well, black, red, grey, silver, blue, yellow, green, and on and on.  How do you do art projects without the three primaries and black, I ask?  Well, I had them dyeing yarns and weaving with pastel shades and got very creative in resolving this issue.  At the same time I was working with a 2nd grade class in a suburban elementary school and we were learning about “symbols” and creating art that “symbolized” who we were.  Soccer balls, baseball bats, flowers, rainbows all played into their imagery.  Words, symbols, colors, flags, songs, manifestos, all defining who we are individually and collectively in our small groups.  All very important at separating us.  What is important to utilize when working to unite us?

I want to believe that if there were no words, if there were no language you could feel my intent.  I want to be like our bright sun as it came out from hiding behind the cloud or the tree.  I will share my Light.  I will share my Vibration.  I will share my Love.  Please see the Brightness.  Please feel the Tingle.  Please embrace the Warmth.  But please don’t listen, there is nothing here to hear.  Please just FEEL IT.  2014-01-06 16.02.08